Boston

Boston. Where should I start? What should I say? One thing for sure that it will be long. So if you stick around it’s better to get a cup of tea.

Let’s start at the beginning.

31st of March – Luke and I were planning the final sightseeing plans for Boston. Everything was perfect.

1st of April – Luke died. Everything turned upside down.

We were supposed to fly out to Boston on the 12th. I had no idea what to do or what am I supposed to do. This trip was supposed to be a happy trip with a massive celebration. I mean finishing all 6 World Marathon Majors is a big deal. Before Boston there were only 6 Hungarians, so not many of us. I know I always moaned about the training load and how tired I am, but when you cross that finish line you forget the struggles, you don’t remember when you doubted your abilities. You there, happy, proud and you feel like being at the top of the World.

I really had no clue what to do with this race. Training was done, and I just needed to turn up on race day. But is it possible to do it when your world just ended in a second?

No-one pushed me to either direction, but some not so nice family members told me that if I go to Boston I’ll be the most selfish person ever. Others said that if I’m going to Boston I never even loved Luke. But the most hurtful thing was this sentence ” I hope you will move back to Hungary now. “. Let’s just set the record straight,  from my side of the family I only have my sister here, and it wasn’t her who said these….

At the end I decided to go. We’ve spent £4.5k on this holiday and that just way too much to lose , I knew that I will feel bad if I go because I’ll miss Luke, but if I stay at home I’ll be snuggled under the duvet and I would still feel bad.

12th of April – Boston I’m coming. Longest and loneliest plane journey in my life. Guy next to me had no clue why I’m crying and sniffing. But told him I don’t have a cold, so he doesn’t need to worry.

After getting through customs we went to the hotel. Have to say the hotel was awesome ( Omni Parker House ) and it definitely well worth the money.

Shelly was already there and not too sure how but I got a cheeky upgrade all thanks to her, plus a bottle of bubbly drink and the world famous Boston cream pie. She brought so many cards and presents with her, all from fellow Team Paws Chicago members. Luke and I only met with them once, in October last year during race week. But they were just so lovely.

Then we went to grab something to eat quickly. I mean aeroplane food is definitely not the best, so a proper burger needed.

Saturday

I didn’t sleep well. Let’s just blame it to the jet-leg. I went to the expo, I was there just before 9am. No queue at all, got my bib number in minutes. Only got a selfie of myself, I really didnt feel like asking strangers to take a photo of me by the wall.

I love expos, I love the feeling, I love the merchandise, the freebies, everything. At Tokyo I think we did spent at least 2 hours there. Spending money is always great.

Boston was different. I was in an out in 30 mins. I got the jacket, Dunkin tshirt so it’s matching with my Dunkin Saucony shoes and thats all. I’m 30 and I never in my life had anxciety. But at the expo just kept feeling some kind of pressure and kept thinking if I need to stay a minute longer I’ll break down. So I assume that’s how anxciety feels. Worst thing ever. So it was the shortest expo visit ever.

Luke and I planned to go to Harvard. But I couldn’t. I just went back to the hotel and stayed there almost all day.

Saturday 5pm, I had to get ready.  Abbott was hosting a reception for the 6 Star finishers. I wanted to go. Dressed up nicely and headed back the Hynes convention centre.

We’ve got a pretty cool pair of compression socks from Abbott. Check them out below in the race photos. Also I met some famous people, and they were really chilled out.

Peter ( ex NYRR race director ) & Hugh ( race director of VMLM)

Hugh & Nick ( CEO of London marathon events)

Hugh and Nick were so incredibly friendly. They were happy to hear that my first marathon was in London, and that I also ran it for a chairty. Then they coulnd’t beleive that it took me 23months to do all 6, turns out thats a really fast and rare thing.

After the reception Shelly and I met up with Denise. Off we went to an exclusive Runner’s World party. If someone tells me that I’m going to meet up with all these people in Boston I think I would of laughed at them.

Sunday

Baseball day. Let’s be honest, I have absolutley no clue of baseball. Luke bought the tickets, because he really wanted to go. At the end I’ve invited Shelly, because I really didn’t want to go alone. She’s absolutely the best friend ever, it’s a shame that she lives in Chicago and that’s too far 🙁

So Shelly somehow managed to get us a VIP tour at Fenway. Luke would of loved it. We went onto the pitch, seen they practising and went to places were only staff and players are allowed.

During one of the many breaks, this sign appeared on the advertising boards:

I still have no idea what to say, other than Thank you.

The after the game we were allowed to go back to the field and have a photo taken infront ot the Green Monster. I have literally no clue how Shelly can pull these off. But she did make my stay in Boston really good.

Then just casually we finished our evening with a pasta dinner, but who did we have dinner with ? The one and only Kathrine Switzer.

Race day

My first ever race on Monday. It felt totally weird.

What can I say about this? I knew that it will be hard, not physically more like emotionally. But I never thought that it will be this hard. Luke was my best cheerleader, and we always met 3-4 times during a marathon. So he can give me a boost, support or whatever I wanted.

Boston’s course is challanging but if you’ve done the training well you’ll be okey.

I ran the first few miles with Denise, then she went to find Shelly who started infont of me.

The race sucked, I kept tearing up on literally everything. You don’t normally see runners crying at mile 2, it’s usually at mile 25. By the time I got the mile 16 I had enough. I just kept thinkning that what’s the point of this? Luke’s not here, he wont ever cheer me on again, he won’t see me at the finish line. So why the hell do I do this? He was always so proud of me. What’s to point of this running if he won’t be proud of me ever again? So at mile 16 I decided to walk. Not my usual run-walk-run thing, nope, walk 10 miles. I didn’t care about finishing, I didn’t care about the time. I literally couldn’t of cared if a bus pickes me up and takes me to a finish and get a DNF. Boston has a strict cut off, if you want to have an official finish time you’ll need to finish before they turn off the finish line clock. But you don’t know when’s that. It’s 6hrs from the last runner.

I knew if I walk 10 miles, I won’t get there on time and I get a DNF. I won’t get my Boston medal and I definitelyt won’t get my 6 Star medal. At that point I didn’t even care that I’ve just wasted £4.5k on nothing.

Whilst I was sitting on the side walk I put  a post up on facebook,, jsut to let everyone know what’s going on. After sitting there for a long time I decided its time to walk. It was going to be a really long 10 mile.

But 1 mile into my walk Denise came along, again. It turns out I took her and Shelly over ages ago, and now Shelly was running with someone and Denise decided to go and chase her own unicorn. It was her 10th consecituve Boston and she had to finish before the cut off so she can just easily register next year. Beat the normal registration process.

She said she’ll do the last 9 miles with me. Even when i said to her , that she needs to leave me behind she didn’t. We ran the downhills and walked the upphills and just kept talking. She didn’t let me give up. She said if I come this far I need to finish. If I don’t finish Luke will be so so pissed off at Heaven. So I had to keep going.

The harest and longest 9 miles in my life. When every inch of your body just wants to give up, but there’s someone next to you who doesn’t let your mind win. She said if I’m phisically injured she left me DNF but she kept saying I’m stronger than my emotions and it’s only a few more miles before the finish. She really could of easily left me befind, because she is a bit over 3hr marathon finisher. But she stayed.

Then we turned Right On Hereford, Left On Boylston and we seen the finish line. She sprinted off and she said she’ll wait for me at the finish and will make the best ever finish line video of me.

At the end I finished the race with 9 minutes to spare.

Really not what I wanted but still better than a DNF.

6 marathons

23 months

Thousands ££££ raised

Do you think it’s acceptable to talk about my medals till I die? I mean look at them , they are literally the best set of medals ever 🙂

What’s next? 

I do not know. I have London in 3 days time, which I can’t defer because I won it via New Balance, I have a 10k in May, can’t defer that either , won the place it via Parkrun, ohh and don’t let me forget the IM in july, and get this I can’t defer that either. I already deferred it from last year because I injured my leg last year. I have an IM traning camp coming up in 2 weeks time and even if I cancel I won’t get my money back. I paid for my hotel for London and Bolton and they are non refundbale. Great. Seems like the current slogan of my life is  ” You suck and you can’t defer” .

So I’ll go hour by hour. I really can’t  even tell how I will feel in an hour, so judging how I’ll feel in weeks time I have no clue at all.

Somedays I just want to stay in bed and do nothing all day, other than crying. Other times I think its an awesome idea to go and train, be around people, people a like a lot. But then when I’m there I can’t even do much. Because I really don’t feel the love towards training. Luke’s not here anymore to be proud of me, or just simply ask me how was my training, and I have noone else.

But let me tell you one thing, I’m not a quitter. Well I always trying to be one, but other’s not letting me quit. And I’m so so grateful for that. I wanted to quit tri club a few months ago because I was the slowest, well I still the slowest, then been advised that I shouldn’t quit. So I stuck around. Best decision ever. Then I wanted to quit Boston, but Denise came along and she didn’t let me quit. No matter how much I wanted. So if in the next few weeks or even months I tell you that I hate everything and I just want to walk off, please do not let me do that.

There will come a time when you feel as if the whole world is whispering that you’ll fail. Just look down at your feet and remember the mountain of miles they’ve already taken you so far and screen back I’m already winning. You have no idea what you truly capable of.

Lots of love,